People from all around central Florida are wailing & gnashing their teeth today as news of the destruction of the brand new Zolfo Springs Super Shattco spread through the region.

(Picture to right is an HO scale model of the destruction site courtesy of Neil Knadseck & his dog Bowser)

Sadly, the recently opened Shattco Superstore in Zolfo Springs sustained heavy damage just prior to the hurricane that swept through the region on Fri, Aug 13 , 2004. Allegedly, a pick-up truck bumped into the back wall at about five m.p.h. and the building went down like dominoes. Of course, this had nothing to do with Hurricane Charley. The entire building was flat before the hurricane even got there. Spokesmen for Shattco/ Homoco Inc. have not released a statement regarding their plans for relocating or rebuilding the popular superstore, but expressed relief that it was already flattened when the hurricane came through. As of now, most of the stock of non-perishables has been trucked to the other super store in Lowville , Pa. for distribution to the smaller mall & plaza locations.

The architect who designed the building for founder William Shatt has been called to the mat for construction deficiencies that caused the building to collapse before the hurricane arrived. He is known in the industry only as "Boob Veala"  (after the famous home repair show host). The nickname is not applied in a positive manner, as his reputation for shoddy work is well known in the region. He claims that the building was designed to withstand 30 mph winds, which would mean that a good-sized electric fan or even one of the many customers with bad flatulence could have caused prior structural weakening.

Wal Mart spokesmen report that stores in the central Florida area have been deluged with requests for butt putty, ciga-beer and other Shattco-only products.  A Home Depot spokesmen also reports a lot of requests for Snout Grout. This was originally formulated for permanently stopping runny noses, but was found to be stronger than any known industrial glue available. It's been reportedly used to suspend 600 foot  freighters over locks in the Welland Canal .

Also, more bad news. The venerable Bob's Circus (familiar to Midwesterners during the 60's and 70's), had just set up shop permanently in the Super Shattco lot. Circusmaster Bob Poop was was discovered by the WHYP-TV "whipperoo" news team wandering about the destroyed big top in dismay & confusion. His only comment to the newscasters was "Now I may have to move back to Erie" (whatever that means).

The circus was completely destroyed by the domino effect of falling Shattco walls, & then finished off by a wind and rain deluge. Never again will people thrill to the "Bearded Man", the "StripeLess Zebra", & of course, "The World's Smallest Big-Screen TV". By the way, the resilient "Bearded Man" already has new employment as a rock drummer with "The Earth Quakers" band.

Founder William Shatt of Naples, Fl. claims that Shattco will return to this area and in the meantime, he would like to remind the public of "", the internet store that carries much of the wonderful product line. A makeshift Shattco has been set up in some tool sheds ( see pic above) on the Zolfo Springs lot, but these outlets will only dispense the most essential products, such as butt putty & shatt matts.


Bill Del Rumple 8-23-04


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