Sadly, the recently opened
Shattco Superstore in Zolfo Springs sustained heavy damage just
the hurricane that swept through the region on Fri, Aug 13 ,
2004. Allegedly, a pick-up truck bumped into the back wall at
about five m.p.h. and the building went down like dominoes. Of
course, this had nothing to do with Hurricane Charley. The entire building
was flat before the hurricane even got there. Spokesmen
for Shattco/ Homoco Inc. have not released a statement regarding their plans
for relocating or rebuilding the popular superstore, but
expressed relief that it was already flattened when the
hurricane came through. As of now,
most of the stock of non-perishables has been trucked to the
other super store in Lowville , Pa. for distribution to the
smaller mall & plaza locations.
The architect who designed the building for
founder William Shatt has been called to the mat for
construction deficiencies that caused the building to collapse
before the hurricane arrived.
He is known in the industry only as "Boob Veala" (after the
famous home repair show host). The nickname is not applied in a
positive manner, as his reputation for shoddy work is well known
in the region. He claims that the building was designed to
withstand 30 mph winds, which would mean that a good-sized
electric fan or even one of the many customers with bad
flatulence could have caused prior structural weakening.
Wal Mart spokesmen report that stores in the
central Florida area have been deluged with requests for butt
putty, ciga-beer and other Shattco-only products. A Home
Depot spokesmen also reports a lot of requests for Snout Grout.
This was originally formulated for permanently stopping runny
noses, but was found to be stronger than any known industrial
glue available. It's been reportedly used to suspend 600 foot
freighters over locks in the Welland Canal .
Also, more bad news. The
(familiar to Midwesterners during the
60's and 70's), had just set up shop permanently in the Super Shattco lot. Circusmaster Bob Poop was was discovered by the
WHYP-TV "whipperoo" news team wandering about the destroyed big
top in dismay & confusion. His only comment to the newscasters
was "Now I may have to move back to Erie" (whatever that means).
The circus was completely
destroyed by the domino effect of falling Shattco walls, & then
finished off by a wind and rain deluge. Never again will people
thrill to the "Bearded Man", the "StripeLess Zebra", & of
course, "The World's Smallest Big-Screen TV". By the way, the
resilient "Bearded Man" already has new employment as a rock
drummer with "The Earth Quakers" band.
Founder William Shatt of
Naples, Fl. claims that Shattco will return to this area and in
the meantime, he would like to remind the public of
"wwwww.Shattco-Online.net.com.org.dot", the internet store that carries much of the
wonderful product line. A makeshift Shattco has been set up in
some tool sheds ( see pic above) on the Zolfo Springs lot, but these outlets will
only dispense the most essential products, such as butt putty &
Bill Del Rumple 8-23-04