The search is on.
The HMS2000 has officially decided to pursue this quest as of
Dec 1, 2005. As a fact, HMS society members have always been
interested in artifacts relating to politico-rocker Hot Mont.
So, what is the historical connection of Fred’s Teisco bass
guitar to Hot Mont’s career? This excerpt from
the book "Memoirs of
an Extremely Boring Life" will
help to demonstrate the illustrious connection:
the band “Victuals” (aka “Victory at Sea”) was winding down
it’s dismal career run with irascible Illustrious manager
Jack P. Best, Hot Mont’s popularity was just taking off
under the same management... "
(quoted from Bill Del
Rumple’s “Memoirs of an Extremely Boring Life” book, 2005)
now, you are surely asking yourself: How did a mediocre local
rock combo’s bass player become elevated to the status of
legend? A brief synopsis of this phenomenon should help to
…Although none of the band members from Victuals
(aka “Victory at Sea”)
of a "splash" after the band broke up in the mid seventies,
Fred and his Teisco quickly become somewhat of a legend
among music enthusiasts.
As Fred Teisco continued on to a
career of public & military service, he was never forgotten
by a core of self- titled ‘teiscologists’. This group was so
rabid in their cult-like devotion that new members were easy
to recruit…and recruit them they did.
By the late 1970’s, teiscing had become a
way of life for many all over the USA as well as in several
other parts of the world. As second generation followers
came of age in the 1990s, the original facts & history had
been lost to folklore & exaggeration. Armed with this new
revisionist history, the new teiscologists began to
popularize several questionable activities such
as ‘informal teiscing’, & ‘role teiscing’. This behavior is
now a fully integrated part of American hip-hop culture..."
see original definition of teiscing below)
(quoted from the bathroom
reader “ Hmmm-Farm-Out-Facts” by H.P. Waters, 2004)
Funk & Wagner dictionary definition: teiscing: the act of purposely
behaving in a timid or fearful manner when confronted with any
challenge. example: "Bashful Bob did not want to order for
himself at the restaurant, so he teisced, forcing his friends to
speak for him.")
(Above is the only known photo of Fred and his beloved
Teisco. Some teiscologists dispute that this is the actual
So, what happened
to the actual Teisco bass guitar?
As the HMS2000
researches, they find only two post-Victuals sightings.
The first & most reliable sighting was around 1978 in a
storage closet somewhere near Brownwood, Texas. At this
viewing, ‘The Bass’ had it’s headstock completely broken
off & then poorly bolted back together like some sort of a
“Franken-Teisco” monster! The second sighting of the
Teisco is less reliable: It was reportedly being played
onstage in a bowling alley band in DuQuoin, Illinois by
devoted teiscologist Kevin Austin (circa 1994). Any other
known sightings can be reported to
possible that ‘The Teisco’ may not even exist anymore. But
the cult-like mania over this icon of rock & roll pushes
the quest ever onward.
HMS 2000 has sent their crack teams to Brownwood & DuQuion to
interview anyone who may know something. These trips were
partially funded by a recent rummage sale / rock concert in
Findley Lake, NY which was attended by several people! Maybe
these trips will provide more info. Any sighting info would be
||Our first Teisco sighting
reported ...not exactly "The Bass", but interesting anyway.
This PA column was photographed at a nightclub in Helen ,Ga.
by Bill Frenchy
update 8-10-06: Noted music historian Dr. Chas
P. Rothchile was kind enough to share some of his
exhaustive Teisco research with us. Here are several great
quotes & euphemisms he's discovered on his fact-finding journey:
(We've included the original author of the quotation when
softly and carry a big teisco (
Harry S. Hoopshank)
Ask not what your Teisco can do for you, ask what you can do for
A teisco in the hand is better than two at Elletson's (disgruntled
Give me a Teisco or give me death
( Boob Dalty)
Ich bin eine Teisco
We have nothing to teisc except teiscing itself. (F.T.D.
Roosevelt- a local florist & fan in the 70's)
A Teisco a day keeps Doc Rothchile away
Two teiscos are better than one
The best things in life are Teisco (P.
McTeiscney ...of the original Barkles)
Don't give up the Teisco
- (Fred Teisco)
Teiscos make the heart grow fonder-
Don't change Teiscos in mid set-
(Tony Calarco /
clubowner Anthony's in Wastefield, NY)
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him teisc
Look before you Teisc
The Teisco is mightier than the sword
inadvertently clobbered by Fred's Teisco)
Sticks and stone may break my bones but Teiscos will never hurt
(another Victual's fan
inadvertently clobbered by Fred's Teisco)
and one of my favorites.....
That's one small Teisco for a man, one giant Teisco for mankind
(attributed to Mel
Maas...philanthropist, religious founder of Melvinism and
bandleader of Mel Maas's Psychedelic Combo)